Hi! It’s Kim here, back on the Dochas blog. What I really would like to talk about today is what we can do to help people in our lives that are grieving.
Isn’t it interesting how we like to put a timeline on things? When it comes to grief, we can feel like we’re supposed to feel something by a certain point or be over something by a certain point—and if we don’t, we think we’re messing up. Last week we talked a bit about how that feeling can affect us when we’re the ones who are grieving and need support. This week, let’s talk about when we’re on the other side of it: when we are the ones helping someone else who’s grieving.
How to help someone who is grieving
Hit play on this video for a few of my favourite tips to help someone who is grieving:
Helping with grieving by listening
Grief isn’t just about death. It can happen with any big change, even a positive one, because change usually comes with some sort of loss. People can grieve after a divorce, retirement, a breakup, losing an online relationship, or losing a friendship. When we recognize how many things grief can be about, we can recognize when people in our lives might need us to listen.
One of the best things that you can do is to just let the person talk, and you genuinely listen. That means that you’re not focused on giving them advice, but instead on really sensing in to how they’re feeling, and reflecting that back to them. Yes, they’re going to repeat things—they’re going to repeat things a lot. You might even find yourself thinking, “when are they going to get over it?”—especially when it’s a loss that we can’t understand or relate to. But what that person is trying to do is make sense of their new reality, and how their life continues given these big changes. The best thing that you can do is just listen with compassion and patience.
Helping with grieving through patience
Patience is so important because grief doesn’t really ever end—that sounds very dismal and that’s not what I mean, but our grief ebbs and flows with time, and its quality changes. Your friend will need you to be there after the dust has settled. Many people tend to be there at the beginning of grief, but you can really be a help by being there to listen after the initial stage. You don’t have to fix it for them, but you can help them process the experience by listening.
What if it’s been a long time and you’ve been there to listen for a long time, but you think your friend is still very affected by their grief? How can you know if someone needs a little more help? This is when the person isn’t able to re-engage with their life again. They just can’t fathom moving on without whatever-it-is being present. If you’re ever unsure about what your friend might need, feel free to give us a shout and ask questions.
Do Unto Others…
Here is where I like to share a bit of a tweak on the golden rule. When it comes to grief, “do unto others as they need you to do.” For example, when I grieve I tend to isolate myself, whereas other people I know want to engage with others through their grief. If I treated people in their grief the way I want to be treated, I would kind of back away from them when they might actually need me.
And what is the way to find out what they need you to do? The way to find that out is to ask them!
We’ve been through a lot in the last few years. There’s been a lot of change and a lot of loss. So it’s okay that you’re grieving, it’s okay that you feel uncertain, and I hope that you have people there for you to just listen to you. If you need anything at all please feel free to reach out to us here at 780-446-0300.
Here are more tips on supporting someone through grief and helping with grieving:
Ways to Support Someone Who is Grieving (Harvard Health)
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
