Every relationship has its ups and downs. Sometimes, the downs work themselves out, but other times they can linger or happen over and over. You can only avoid a tough conversation for so long, before the tension takes a toll on your relationship.
It often feels easier to just not talk about something that is bothering you. But after a while, resentment can build up. An issue you think you can ignore once or twice becomes more and more irritating the more often it happens, until you explode unexpectedly. Or even if you never reach this point, the resentment you feel colours the way you feel about this relationship or person. Even though it feels deeply uncomfortable, the best way to keep your relationship strong is to actually sit down and have a tough conversation.
How can you resolve an issue if you never talk about it? Conflict resolution through conversation is essential for working through issues that arise. When you live and connect with other people, uncomfortable conversations are bound to happen. It’s important to remember that nothing is wrong with you if you find yourself frequently needing to clarify yourself and draw boundaries with those around you. It’s actually healthy! By encouraging these conversations rather than avoiding them, you’ll grow in understanding yourself and your loved ones.
6 tips to get through a tough conversation
1. Write it down
If you are the one who recognizes that a tough conversation needs to happen, it can help to write down what you want to say before you sit down and talk with your loved one. This is a useful way to clarify and organize your thoughts, so you feel more in control when you begin to express yourself.
2. Practice self awareness
While you’re having the conversation, check in with yourself. Is there an emotion coming up? Recognize the feelings that might be coming to the surface from inside you.
3. Self regulation
After the previous step, you might notice some emotions: irritation, anger or frustration, a racing heart, or a pit in your stomach. When you notice these feelings, acknowledge to yourself that you’re emotionally heightened in that moment. It might be a good moment to call a timeout or take some space, and then use that time to decompress with deep breathing or another grounding technique. Then you can return to the conversation.
4. Use “I” statements
This is a really helpful technique! By using “I” statements, you express yourself without placing blame. Another strategy is to repeat what you hear the other person say—this helps prevent miscommunication, and it also reassures them that you are hearing them.
5. Listen
Speaking of listening—sit through the discomfort of what may be being said. Think things through, and give yourself a chance to not respond out of emotion. It is okay to take the conversation slowly. Calm conversations go further and deeper than emotionally elevated ones.
6. Be kind to yourself and to the other person
Even though the conversation is uncomfortable, the other person is not your enemy. By treating them with respect and kindness throughout the conversation, you remind both yourself and them that you do want this connection with them. That is why you’re having this conversation to strengthen the relationship in the long run.
It might feel easier to avoid a tough conversation—but it often ends up worse in the long run. With these tips, you can face these conversations and get through them.
If you’d like some advice on drawing boundaries in your relationships, check out our blogs on how to identify your boundaries in a comfortable way, and how to validate your boundaries when others disagree with them If you need more help and guidance, you can get in touch with us at Dóchas Psychological Services for support.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
