Welcome back to the blog! It’s Kim here.
I’ve gone back and forth on how to talk about a topic that has had a profound impact on my life, and that is what to do when a loved one refuses help with addiction or mental illness. I could take the easy route and give you some resources to look up online, or I could share some facts and statistics with you. But my guess is that you’ve already tried those things, and that’s what brought you to this blog. So, instead I’ll share some personal experiences with you that will help you to better understand how to deal with a loved one who may suffer with alcoholism or mental illness, and who refuses to get help.
Watch the video to hear my personal journey, or read about it down below!
How to cope with someone who refuses help with addiction
My story
Anyone who knows me, knows that my Dad is an important person in my life, and I love so many things about him. Unfortunately, my Dad has struggled with addiction throughout his life. He was an alcoholic when I was growing up, but together he and my Mom kept it pretty well hidden from my sister and me. When my Mom passed away, my Dad fell off the wagon pretty hard. He began mixing alcohol and prescription drugs.
This was so painful to watch because he had always done a good job at holding things together for our family. Of course, we let him know that he had help available to him and we would do everything we could to get him that help.
But one day he said something to me that struck me hard. And if you have a loved one who struggles with addiction or mental illness, they may have said something similar to you. My Dad told me that he didn’t trust anything as much as the drugs or alcohol to numb the pain he felt.
From hearing my Dad say this to me, I learnt something that I feel is so important to share with you if your loved one doesn’t want to get help.
And that is that it’s not in my control.
What to do when a loved one refuses help with addiction and mental health
One of the most important pieces of advice I can give to anyone who struggles with family addiction is to remember that it’s not about you. Their illness is not about how much they love you, or about not loving you enough.
There is nothing you can say or do to push them toward a choice you want them to make. The choice to get help has to be theirs. Those who struggle with addiction have a really hard time trusting that anything will change. They don’t necessarily see change as better. And they don’t trust themselves to cope with the pain they feel. They’ll either get help on their own, or they won’t. And the most important thing to remind yourself is that this decision is not on you.
All we can do is continue to love them, and to set boundaries. Remember, you can set boundaries and love them at the same time. Be clear about what you will and will not tolerate. Setting boundaries with family members can be really difficult, even more so when addiction or mental illness is a factor. Click here to read some tips on how to set boundaries with family.
Sitting with open hands
When my clients come to me about family addiction or mental illness, I often tell them to sit with open hands.
Sitting with open hands is when you’ve been open with your family member about why they need help, how they can get help, and that you are there when they’re ready. But you can’t do more than that. Maybe you’ve sat with open hands for years now, and they still haven’t gotten help. They may never be ready, and that’s okay because you’ve made it clear that you’re there for them.
Lastly, you’ve done as much as you can possibly do. It’s not your fault. Give yourself some grace, and take care of your needs.
If you are in need of someone to talk to, please reach out to us. We would love to connect you with a member of our team. If you’re searching for more resources on how to cope with family addiction or mental illness, here are some insightful articles to check out:
https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/refusehelp.htm
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
