Hello, it’s Alessandra on the Dóchas blog today, and I’d like to talk about the role of vulnerability in developing and maintaining self esteem. One thing I value the most about working in this profession is the privilege of being able to gain wisdom from my clients, and the other day one of them reminded me of this quote from Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly: “We can’t let ourselves be seen if we are terrified of what people think.” This sparked a deep conversation about self-esteem and vulnerability. While there is so much to learn about self-esteem, in this blog I want to discuss how being vulnerable matters as we work to develop and maintain inner confidence.
Most of the time the perception is that vulnerability is a weakness. But for me, Brené Brown’s quote highlights the power of embracing emotional exposure as a mechanism for gaining self-worth!
What is vulnerability?
I define vulnerability as an instrument of change. Embracing vulnerability and taking emotional risks can lead us to personal growth. Letting our guard down and being our authentic selves builds confidence and acceptance. As we acknowledge our fears we are able to lean in and find strength, engaging with the world.
This means vulnerability connects us to our sense of worthiness and belonging as it instructs us to be deeply seen and known. It allows us to embrace and showcase our true selves and foster connection with others. If we switch our perception and see vulnerability as emotional resilience, we empower ourselves to face challenges with courage and compassion. This changes how we perceive ourselves, increasing our self-esteem.
How vulnerability connects to self-esteem
To highlight Brené Brown once more, she defines worthiness as the conviction that you are good enough as you are—with flaws and all, we deserve to be loved. In other words, the power of vulnerability teaches us to practice courage and accept the gift of imperfection. The beauty of self-esteem is it can be contagious! As we liberate ourselves, we unconsciously give other people permission to shine. We become worthy and can celebrate the bravery of standing out.
If we don’t acknowledge what we are capable of, our negative self-talk will overrun our brains and convince us to fear failure. Thus, being vulnerable is a place of self-discovery that gives us a firm understanding of our skills. It becomes a stepping stone to maintain healthy relationships with others as a result of having a positive relationship with ourselves. This allows us to understand and express our needs. As we begin to better understand our self-esteem we can confidently find a balance that suits us.
Now as we think about being vulnerable and building our self-esteem, let’s think about the 10 rules for self-love.
10 Rules for Self-love (from Brené Brown)
1. You are enough.
Give less power to the agonizing feeling of not being enough and use positive affirmations.
2. Share your whole story and whole heart.
Remember imperfections are a gift. Be courageous and allow yourself to be seen.
3. Engage with the world
Everything around you is a mirror, if you act from a place of worthiness life will reflect that back to you.
4. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love.
Remind yourself that the process of being vulnerable rewards us with connection, empathy and joy.
5. Get vulnerable.
Remember that vulnerability is not winning or losing, it’s having the power to show up when you can’t control the outcome.
6. Let go of your armour
Don’t judge. Instead, use self-compassion to buffer against the misperceptions of our own vulnerabilities.
7. Speak to yourself the way you speak to someone you love
This is especially important when you’re feeling unworthy. Give yourself the same love and kindness you give others. Challenge any negative thinking patterns and remind yourself that you are worthy.
8. Let go of perfectionism.
Remember we are human and don’t need to be perfect all the time.
9. Be grateful.
By accessing gratitude you are able to be more present in your life.
10. Practice authenticity.
Show up for yourself. Being genuine and real is a practice we choose every day.
When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value, developing healthy self-esteem. As we gain a stronger sense of self-worth we are able to redirect the negative thinking. If you are interested in learning more, check out these videos that I’ve really found useful:
Being vulnerable can be challenging and may bring up a mix of emotions. If you’d like a helping hand with building self-esteem, reach out to us here at Dóchas! You can reach us at 780 446 0300 or drop us a line at info@dochaspsych.com.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
