Hi! It’s Kim here.
You might be trying to wrap your brain around why you would ever want to get comfortable with uncomfortable emotions, and listen, I get it! Sitting with difficult emotions is like noticing a spider on your leg and not brushing it away. Sounds a little odd, right? The idea of being present with uncomfortable emotions goes against every natural instinct. But if you don’t learn how to sit with your emotions, eventually they’ll start to suffocate you.
In this video, I talk about the importance of getting comfortable with uncomfortable emotions and I share some steps I take to allow myself to sit with difficult feelings. Watch the video or read down below for some strategies that will help you do the same!
Why Your Uncomfortable Emotions Deserve Attention
Before we get into the strategies, let’s first establish why you’d even want to pay attention to uncomfortable emotions. Imagine a child pulling on their mom’s shirt for attention, repeating “mom” over and over. Now add a few more kids into the mix. They’re all fighting for attention and in order to calm them down, they need to be recognized!
Think of all your different emotions in this way. Each emotion is begging for your attention and after some time this can feel overwhelming! This repeated cycle of ignoring difficult feelings actually increases emotional pain. If you pay attention to the emotions, eventually they’ll become quieter.
How to Sit With Uncomfortable Emotions
So what does sitting with uncomfortable emotions actually look like? I’ll give you a personal example.
Something that instantly makes me uncomfortable is when someone says “We need to talk” or asks me “Can we talk later?” When I’m put in a situation like this, with no indication of what the talk is about, I instantly feel fear. I worry about whether I did something wrong or if the person is upset with me. If I don’t allow these emotions to just be within me, I actually end up feeding them with shame and guilt.
So how do I stop feeding negative thoughts? I learn to get comfortable with them! How do I even begin to get comfortable? Here are 3 steps I try to follow.
1. Awareness of Mind and Body
First, I allow myself to experience the emotion without judging myself for it. I notice the instant feeling of fear, and I make myself aware of the symptoms that come along with that. My body gets tight, my heart beats faster, and sometimes I feel like I want to throw up.
If you experience physical stress symptoms and you’re not sure how to cope, click here to read our blog on How to Deal With Physical Stress Symptoms.
2. Validation
After I’ve noticed that I feel afraid, I tell myself that it’s okay to feel this way. It helps to say the phrase “it’s okay” out loud to myself.
3. Observation
The last step is to observe my emotion and notice how it changes overtime. This observation can look like noticing your breathing and how that affects the emotion you’re having. For me, breathing slowly calms my fear down. Maybe some time has passed and you’re still feeling pretty uncomfortable. That’s okay. Is there anything you can do to help? If there is, do it! If there’s not, keep observing.
As you’re observing your emotion it’s important to focus on the present. For example, I could remind myself that the person asked to talk later, not right now. Focusing on the present can be especially helpful if you suffer from anxiety and worrying about the future. If there is no immediate problem, tell yourself there is no need to get worked up right now.
Learn to Process Your Emotions
Now that we’ve gone through why it’s important to sit with uncomfortable emotions and the steps on how to do it, the next piece of the puzzle is understanding how to process your emotions.
Stay tuned for next week’s video blog where I’ll talk about how to actually process an emotion – good or bad!
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About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
