Are you feeling triggered in your relationship? It’s Rachael here on the Dóchas blog today, and I’m going to talk about how to navigate this.
You are going about your day and suddenly you are hit by a wave of strong emotional response directed towards your partner. Perhaps they forgot to take the garbage out when they said they would, or maybe they came home later than expected but didn’t tell you. As much as we would like to believe this unusual rise in emotions is due to the weather patterns or the cycle of the moon, they are often due to something triggering us to feel these strong uncomfortable emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety. Certain situations end up lighting up a network of worry, sadness, or anger, developed from past situations and our maladaptive core beliefs, often resulting in us taking it out on our partners or shutting ourselves off.
When we are triggered in our relationships and life, it is easy to shift into negative sentiment override. While in this state we interpret our partner’s message as negative even if the message is positive or neutral. So, what do we do when we notice an increase in negativity and a flood of icky emotions in our relationships?
We start by sitting with the ick, meaning we take some time to analyze and recognize where the emotion is coming from. Practicing self-awareness helps us to identify where the strong emotional reaction is coming from.
In examining our emotional response, it is important to consider:
- The Emotional Response: What specific emotions were we feeling?
- The Physical Response: Are there any physical reactions accompanying this emotion? (Increase heart rate, tension, lightheaded, etc.)
- Thought Patterns: What thoughts are running through my mind? Are there any recurring thoughts or assumptions?
- Past Experiences: Does this situation or emotion remind me of anything from our past? Are there any unresolved issues from previous relationships or experiences?
- Personal Triggers: Are there any topics or behaviours that have historically bothered me? Are there certain words, actions, or situations I am sensitive?
- What is the need being threatened in this situation? (Safety, connection, etc.)
After we have spent some time understanding our reaction on our own, it is time to reconnect with your partner and explain what your experience has been and where you are coming from. Whether you are reconnecting after a big fight or things have just been off for a little while, it is important we take responsibility for the role we have played. When we are triggered, we pull away, we fight, and we often do not treat each other with the care and respect we should. It is important to recognize honestly how your reaction has been impacting the relationship, your partner, and yourself. Once you have shared with your partner what is going on, and understand their perspective, your relationship can start to heal and move forward. Together you can work on how to improve these triggers and the changes that need to occur in the relationship, so everyone’s needs are getting met.
If you are struggling with identifying your triggers, individual counselling may be beneficial to help you explore this more and develop techniques to help cope and regulate your emotions. If you are having trouble expressing your triggers with your partner or working with your partner through them, couples counselling may be helpful.
You can reach out to us here if you’d like a professional helping hand as you navigate this experience of being triggered in your relationship. You can reach us at 780 446 0300 or drop us a line at info@dochaspsych.com.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
