With the holidays upon us, you may be dreading the idea of having to interact with your difficult family.
It’s Kim on the blog this week! I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling anxious, frustrated, sad, or angry this time of year. Many people experience anxiety around the holidays because they know that being around family usually leads to a negative situation. Here are three strategies that I recommend to my clients for dealing with difficult families over the holidays—keep reading or watch the video!
Manage your Expectations
If you are realistic about your family situation and you manage your expectations accordingly, you will avoid setting yourself up for failure. Expectations bring opportunity for disappointment, and when you set an expectation that your family member cannot meet, you may end up resenting them.
If you know your family situation has not changed since the last time you had a negative experience, it’s important to manage your expectations with this in mind. This doesn’t mean viewing the holiday season with a negative outlook or sour attitude; it means accepting that the situation may not go how you hope.
Set Boundaries
A lot of people think that setting a boundary is about controlling someone else’s actions, but it’s really not. A boundary tells someone (or even yourself) what you are willing to tolerate in a relationship.
You have no control over your difficult family’s actions, but you do have control over your boundaries.
For example, if you have family members that are likely to fight at Christmas dinner, here are some boundaries you might want to set by repeating them to yourself beforehand:
- “If they start fighting, I will ask them to calm down, and I will try to change the subject.”
- “If they don’t stop, I will leave the table.”
Practice Emotional Neutrality
Family gatherings can bring up a lot of emotions, and it’s easy to get caught up in the moment.
Practicing emotional neutrality is about staying calm, even when others around you aren’t. When someone makes a hurtful comment or starts an argument, remind yourself that their behaviour reflects them—not you. Take a deep breath, focus on staying grounded, and try not to react in a way that fuels the conflict.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore your feelings; it means protecting your peace and staying in control of how you respond.
Debrief With a Friend
After you’ve left the family function, it helps to confide in a trustworthy friend. Opening up will help you move on from the negative situation. You can also seek advice from a therapist. It can also be a good idea to bring a supportive friend or partner to your family interactions so they can remind you of the boundaries you’ve set for yourself.
If you or someone you know is struggling with family issues, please reach out at 780-446-0300 or info@dochaspsych.com – we would be happy to work with you.
Use Your Resources
The holiday season can be stressful enough without the added concern of spending time with your difficult family members. It’s important to remember that you only have control over your own expectations and reactions.
For more resources on how to cope with dysfunctional families during the holidays, check out the following blogs:
5 Ways to Survive Your Next Family Gathering
Ten Ways to Keep Family Members From Ruining Your Holidays
5 Keys to Handling Judgemental and Opinionated Family
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
