Welcome back to the blog! It’s Kim here.
Let’s talk about boundaries! I find that people either love or hate boundaries. If you’re all for them, kudos to you! If it’s not your favourite subject – and maybe the idea of setting boundaries makes you feel a bit uncomfortable – keep scrolling, and let’s find a way to fix that. This blog is all about understanding boundaries in relationships. I’m giving you the backstory on what the term boundaries actually means in psychology, and why your therapist is telling you that boundaries are important.
Watch the video below, or keep scrolling to read more!
Setting boundaries in relationships
What are boundaries?
If you’re a stickler about your yard, you’ll get where I’m going with this analogy: when you want to keep things out, you build some type of fence or barrier.
The thing about relationships is, we can’t exactly build a wall around ourselves every time things aren’t going as planned. It’s all about processing our emotions, not ignoring them. We need to figure out a way to establish limits with the people around us where they’re honoured. That’s easier said than done though, am I right? We can control that fence we built in our backyard, but we can’t control people’s behaviour.
So, when we talk about boundaries we don’t mean simply creating a line or building a wall, we mean communicating our limits.
How to set a boundary with someone
When a therapist mentions the importance of setting boundaries, they want you to be able to communicate your needs to others, and be able to explain what will happen if your needs aren’t met. What does that look like? Well, if someone is calling you a name that you don’t like, you can’t force them to stop. They are in charge of their own behaviour. What you can do is to say “I’ve asked you to stop calling me that name, and if you don’t stop, I will leave.”
Well, you’ve just set a boundary! To set a boundary, you set the limit of what makes you uncomfortable, you communicate this to the other person, and you identify what will happen if your need isn’t met. And, most importantly, you take accountability for your own behaviour in the case your boundary isn’t honoured.
Depending on the relationship, you’ll probably want to set different types of boundaries with different people. Check out this article for a breakdown of the different types of boundaries and how to establish them.
It might be uncomfortable at first, but with practice boundaries will soon become a non-negotiable!
Boundaries aren’t set in stone
Remember that boundaries and limits can be flexible! There might be times when you’re going to be more accepting of a behaviour than other times. When I’m unrested without food (and coffee), I’m not as interested in interacting with my friends as I am when I’m awake and energized. That being said, I know that whenever I’m in a vulnerable position (and yes, the state of being hangry is a vulnerable position), I need to communicate my limits to the people around me.
Stay tuned!
Keep your eye out for our next blog on how to identify what your boundaries are in your relationship!
If you have a question about boundaries that you’d love to read about in our next blog, let me know in the comments below, or connect with us on our Facebook or Instagram.
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
