Hey you! Welcome back to the Dochas blog. It’s Kim here, and today I want to help you identify whether or not you have broken or weak boundaries. Hit the play button to get started, or scroll down to read more.
Identifying broken or weak boundaries
If you’ve been to our blog before, you know that we love to talk about all things boundaries! (If you haven’t visited our blog, a couple of must reads are how to identify boundaries and what to do when your boundaries aren’t respected).
We’ve covered the basics when it comes to setting boundaries, but now it’s time to take a closer look at the boundaries you’ve set for yourself and really determine whether they work for you. I see signs of weak boundaries a lot with my clients: they think they’ve set a strong boundary but really, it’s been eroded or weakened in some way.
This can happen to anyone, so no judgement if the alarm bells are going off in your head right now. Once you identify a sign of a weak boundary, you can work towards strengthening it.
6 Signs of weak boundaries
Here are the signs to look out for:
1.You have trouble explaining your boundary to yourself and others. It’s really difficult for you to maintain a boundary and have others respect it when you can’t even express your needs to yourself.
How to strengthen it: Go back to why you set your boundary in the first place. Express your needs to yourself and clearly articulate the consequence for your boundary being crossed … out loud!
2. You have a full plate but you continue to say yes, yes, yes! Resentment is often a result when you offer resources that you don’t actually have (yes, time is in fact a resource).
How to strengthen it: Be honest with yourself when you feel overwhelmed, and practice saying no to people without an explanation.
3. You put everyone’s needs before your own. If you’re a natural caretaker, setting a boundary here is really hard. The hard truth is you can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself first.
How to strengthen it: Tune in to how you’re feeling, and decide if it’s really a good idea to offer something to someone in that moment. Maybe you just need to go home and sleep instead.
4. You make excuses for the people who disrespect your boundaries. The more you say things like “They were just trying to be funny” or “They were just trying to help,” the weaker your boundary gets.
How to strengthen it: If someone disrespects your boundary, stick to the consequences you’ve set. (If you need a refresher on this, read this blog).
5. You doubt the decisions you make the minute someone questions them. This isn’t to say that your friends and family can’t show concern or try to offer you advice on your decision, but letting the people around you drive your life decisions is a sign of a weak boundary.
How to strengthen it: You (and only you) know your needs, so try saying “I appreciate your advice, but I’ve made my decision.” And if you don’t appreciate the advice, say that!
6. You let others bull-dose you into things you really don’t want to do. If you’re someone who absolutely despises celebrating your birthday (I’m right there with you) but you just keep your thoughts to yourself and let your family insist on throwing you a party, your boundary has become broken.
How to strengthen it: Stand firm on your wishes not to do something. Don’t go just because you feel pressured. And on your birthday, lock your door!
If you need boundary guidance, we’re your people!
Boundaries are tricky. If you need more guidance on how to set strong boundaries and communicate them clearly, our team would love to help you out.
Email us at info@dochaspsych.com so we can find the perfect fit for you and talk about how to get you started!
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
