When two people value different things, it can be challenging to have a relationship—and this is where aligning value paths can be helpful! Hey, it’s Paula here on the Dóchas blog, and today I’d like to talk about navigating our values.
Well, first, let me explain what values are. Values are notions that guide (consciously or unconsciously) our way of being. Values are road signs on your path that help direct your day-to-day and inadvertently guide our behaviour. Values are the “I do what I do because it matters to me” behaviour. In essence, values drive our pursuit of fulfillment.
For example, maybe your top three values are achievement, balance and health. Then the aspects of your day-to-day—what you do, who you choose to engage with and what you think about or plan—are going to be different than someone who has the top three values of knowledge, travel and risking taking/ spontaneity. You can see pretty quickly that people with different values can have these values conflict. So how do we navigate this?
Understanding Your Values
The first step towards aligning value paths is to understand your own values. Values are not static, so what matters to you changes over time. Your top three values will change as life changes, particularly during life transitions such as beginning a new career, entering parenthood, moving through life stages such as early adulthood into adulthood, starting a new relationship, or changing your relationship status (for example: marriage).
There are many different values, and the number of road signs (important values) on your path also differs. Perhaps you’re guided by three or five values now, although, within the next few weeks, you’ll find yourself reflecting on which road signs will guide your direction. Maybe your value of travel will foster the urge to put into action some sort of adventure. Perhaps your travel value is put off because your value of home and cleanliness are stronger. Inadvertently, what matters to you is going to guide you on whatever particular path you’re on.
Take some time to think about where you are in life and what is important to you. Knowing your own values will help you understand what’s guiding you at this stage in your life.
Values In Relationships
At some point, your path will cross with someone else who has their own values. Their life experience will differ from yours. It’s not about right or wrong but more about what is important at that point in one’s path. Part of learning aligning value paths is understanding what common values are shared. Common values help us align our paths, so while you may not have the same values that direct your day-to-day, the work of alignment is identifying that there are values that do match up and working to understand how different values allow us to relate to our partners.
Having insight into your partner’s values also provides perspective and helps to build congruency and understanding. For instance, if your partner’s top value is financial freedom, it might clarify why they tend to take opportunities to work overtime. If they value orderliness in the home, it can provide clarity as to why a person may be asking for help putting things back in their place. Understanding differing values allows us the space to gain perspective that perhaps your partner is not a control freak. Rather it is important (a value) to them to have a clean home. Or, if your partner values curiosity, you can understand why they ask questions (they might not be demanding to know your whereabouts or intimate details). This kind of perspective shift may help validate what matters to someone else. The work of aligning values paths provides an outlet to relate and foster interpersonal connections.
I completely understand that it can feel overwhelming to understand your values or cope with differing values from yourself. If you would like help with this, then I encourage you to reach out and ask us how we can help. You can reach out to us here by calling us at 780 446 0300 or emailing info@dochaspsychologicalservices.com.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
