Life transitions are scary. One of the biggest ones we make in our life is moving into adulthood. Everything feels like it’s supposed to go one way, but the reality doesn’t always follow a clear path. It’s Tat here and I’d love to talk to you about life transitions – and how my expectations for becoming an adult and the reality were completely different.
Expectations for Getting Older
Maybe you’ve just turned 18 and are thinking about what’s next, or maybe you’ve been an adult for a while but you’re still unsure. You’ve been told as you were growing up that everything would make sense when you were older, so it felt like everything would fall into place eventually. Except it still hasn’t.
This can bring up a lot of mixed emotions. There’s an expectation that when we turn 18, we should know exactly what we want to do for the rest of our lives and have a roadmap for what our future looks like – and there are expectations for that roadmap too. One of the issues with this expectation is that it fails to take into account that we are human. That means we’re prone to making mistakes, or changing our minds as we continue to grow and learn who we are.
So then what does becoming an adult really mean?
Reality
Like many others, I had a lot of conflicting emotions come up as I transitioned into adulthood.
Was I doing the right things? Making smart choices? Setting myself up for a good future? The reality is that I still don’t have the answers to these questions. I might never have the answers. Nothing changed overnight either – aside from having more responsibilities.
So what now? I tried a couple of things.
1. Make space for all of these feelings and allow them to coexist.
You can be excited for the future and scared for what could happen at the same time – which is how I felt all of the time.
2. Realize that you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling.
I reached out to my support system and they let me know that a lot of them felt the same way. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t alone but I still felt stuck. If we’re all confused about what to do with our lives then what is the right thing to do? How can we be happy?
The Concept of Ikigai
One of the biggest questions that many of us ask ourselves as we go through transitions is: “What is my purpose? Why am I here?”. It can feel like “work” is the answer to that question, however that answer may not feel fulfilling.
This is where the Japanese concept of Ikigai comes in. It is the belief that living a fulfilling life means balancing what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can get paid for. For some, they’re able to find an Ikigai (something that overlaps all four), for others, it takes more than one thing to cover all of these areas. Capturing each of these aspects in your daily life – however you need to – is considered a way to make life fulfilling.
A Survival Guide For Life Transitions
With all of these conflicting emotions, big questions, and expectations in mind, it can be hard to figure out how to move forward. Here are a few of my tips:
1. It’s okay to not know exactly what your future will look like.
We like to treat uncertainty like it’s the worst thing in the world – it can definitely be scary – but the reality is that even the most well thought out plans can fail. You may have a 5-year or 10-year plan, or you might not. It’s okay if you don’t.
2. Be gentle with yourself.
It’s okay not to get everything ‘right’ on the first try. The beautiful thing about life is that you have time to figure it out. Try new things; find what brings you joy.
3. There is no ‘right way’ to live your life.
Life has one finish line and all of the goals we make along the way are unique to us. The only goal we all share? To live as best as we can and find the things that make us happy while trying our best not to hurt anyone else along the way. The rest? That’s up to you to find out.
If you would like support through these life transitions, please reach out to us at Dóchas at 780-446-0300 or info@dochaspsych.com. Book an in-person or virtual appointment with one of our therapists here.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
