If you are at the stage of life where you are dropping your teen off at college or moving them into their first apartment, you know the myriad of emotions and challenges that come with this stage of parenthood. There is such a mix of feelings: readiness, sadness, excitement, pride and fear. On the one hand, it feels like a time to celebrate a job well done. If the mission was to raise children to function in the world and become their own person, we should celebrate the success. On the other hand, there are the uncomfortable feelings of not having them home, letting go, watching them struggle, and adjusting to the many changes.
It’s Irene on the Dóchas blog today, and I’m going to talk about “launching” our children into the world.
What does launching all involve? Launching marks a phase in the parent-child relationship when children start to assert their independence and become more self-reliant. It may be time for some parents to take a step back, and perhaps move away from a more directive and involved role to allow the young adult the freedom to find their way and solve their own problems. It is a time of navigating the changing “rules” of the parent-child relationship and beginning to define what the adult-adult relationship will look like.
How do you navigate this? Here are a few tips.
Maintain Open Communication
During this time, it is key to have open communication with your young person. Be open to whatever mode of communication may work best for them. They may not love phone calls, but they might prefer Snapchat. The important thing is having an avenue for them to share thoughts, feelings and needs.
Your job is to keep the lines of communication open and respond in supportive ways. Be clear with your young adult about what your communication needs are. For example, if your young person does not like frequent communication perhaps you can negotiate for a regular brief check-in for “proof of life”.
Let Them Make Decisions
Encourage independence by allowing your young person to make their own decisions. Let them make mistakes and learn from them, but let them know you are there to support them.
Be the safety net if needed but try to assist them rather than “do it for them”. Offer encouragement and let them know you have their back, but don’t be quick to jump in and offer solutions.
Rethink Boundaries
Boundaries will need to be redrawn to some extent, and this process goes both ways. You may find your young person asserting themselves more regarding things like how often they want to visit, what topics of conversation are “off limits,” and how much information they choose to share.
Encourage them to establish boundaries that reflect their expectations and values. This is good practice for boundary-setting in other relationships. Respect their boundaries and changing needs for independence and privacy.
As a parent, it is also important to have open discussions about responsibilities, finances and shared spaces if they continue to live at home. Setting boundaries ensures everyone’s needs and values are respected.
Process Your Feelings
As you adjust to this phase of parenting, it is crucial to take time to acknowledge and process your own feelings. Talk with friends at a similar stage of life, share feelings with your partner if possible, or seek out therapy for support.
You may find yourself with more free time as the parenting role changes. Use some of the time to rekindle important interests, hobbies or relationships that you may not have had time to focus on. This is also a great opportunity to explore new hobbies or pursuits that are focused on your own needs and desires.
So much of parenting prioritizes the kids, and now is a time of life to make yourself and your relationship with your partner (if applicable) the priority.
Remember that every family is unique and the dynamics of the new adult-child relationship will evolve in its own way. There is no right or wrong! Rather, by approaching this period with understanding and willingness to adapt, you can foster a strong and enduring connection with your young person as they embark on their journey into adulthood.
And if you’d like some professional advice from us here at Dóchas about launching your kids, you can reach us at 780-446-0300 or at info@dochaspsych.com.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
