Hey there, it’s Kim here on the Dóchas blog. Today, I’m going to be talking about impostor syndrome: how to kick it to the curb (or at least make it a bit quieter). Impostor syndrome is something that hits pretty close to my heart and I think it does for a lot of people. It’s one of those things that we just don’t talk about.
So let’s get into it. Read on or watch the video:
Defining Impostor Syndrome
Impostor syndrome is not a diagnosable thing. I think we all feel it, we just don’t like to talk about it. So what is impostor syndrome? In general, it is this feeling that you’re gonna be found out. That somehow you don’t measure up; that you’re not going to be able to be as successful as you were in the past, or that somehow they’re gonna figure out that you suck at what it is that you’re trying to do. And that’s a horrible feeling. So we try to avoid that.
Pros and cons
There are actually pros and cons to this concept. An example of a pro is that it makes you be really thorough. It makes you dot all the i’s and cross your t’s to make sure that you aren’t screwing up. It can push you to grow by making you recognize, “Hey, I don’t know everything.”
Where impostor syndrome can really bite you in the butt is where it leads to anxiety or depression. It makes you withdraw from people or keeps you from being involved in close relationships because you’re hiding aspects of yourself from the person, or people because you’re afraid of being found out.
Impostor Syndrome: How to kick it to the curb
What do you do? First, I want you to please know these are things that I try to practice myself and I fully acknowledge that they don’t always work. Sometimes that impostor syndrome grabs hold and just chokes you. But at least these are some ideas to help you get out of that chokehold.
Start by looking at the evidence.
The first thing that you can do is engage in what’s called positive psychology and positive psychology specifically around cognitive disputations. This is the work of Martin Seligman. He used to be the president of the American Psychological Association. Cognitive disputation is kinda fun but challenging to do.
So one of the first things that you do is look for evidence. What you’re trying to do is look for evidence to prove the negative thoughts. or to disprove the negative thoughts. For example, this person doesn’t like me—well, our brains can think of so many reasons why this person doesn’t like me, and it can get to the point where it’s a little ridiculous and you end up laughing at it. Then that’s one way to refute the thought. But you can also look for reasons that make that thought not true, right? So what are all the reasons that this person does like me?
Another part of cognitive disputation is looking for alternatives. What are all the other reasons that could be given for this person maybe not saying hi to you today? What could be all of the other reasons that you weren’t chosen to do something?
What is the worst-case scenario?
Next, consider what are the actual implications of whatever it is that you’re thinking. So let’s say you get found out as an impostor, what’s the worst thing that could happen? Well, the worst thing that could happen is that you could lose your job. All right, but chances are you’ll find another one, right? Because you’re a smart cookie, and it’s usually people that are high achievers that feel this impostor syndrome. So chances are you’re gonna be okay.
Is this thought helpful?
Ask yourself, “Is this thought helpful?” I struggle with that part of it, honestly, because I can say, “yeah, this thought isn’t helpful” but it doesn’t necessarily stop it for me. But that’s my own stuff. It might be a strategy that works for you.
Share how you’re feeling
Another way that you can refute impostor syndrome or fight against it is to share how you’re feeling with a trusted other.
You want to be careful with that because you don’t want to necessarily share it with people who believe that they’re in competition with you. But you do wanna share it with people who have your best interests at heart and want to build you up. This invites them to either help you refute it, or it helps you kind of minimize the shame that you’re feeling about it. Because the antidote to shame, as Brene Brown would say, is making your shame public.
Celebrate your successes
We do not do enough of this. If we’re doing something amazing, why aren’t we stopping to celebrate that? We’re so quick to move on to the next thing that we almost don’t even notice when we’ve done something really well. So stop, pause, celebrate, and share it with other people so that it makes you make that success external rather than just keeping it a secret in your head.
Share your quote-unquote failures.
I’m not big on that word failure because, to me, you only fail if you don’t get back up off your knees later. It’s either a learning opportunity or you’re getting back up onto your feet. So it’s not really a failure. But to minimize shame, you wanna share that failure. And it also creates a community where others can share their struggles with you, which makes you feel less alone.
And that involves another strategy, which is reframing it. The reframe was where I said, it’s not a failure if you get back up off your knees and it’s a learning opportunity. Those are all reframes, which makes the sting of the word failure—because there’s such a negative connotation around it—become less hurtful to us.
Be gentle with yourself
A lot of times impostor syndrome comes up because we’re being challenged. We’re learning something new and we don’t feel confident in it yet and we become afraid that “Oh if I don’t look confident right away, if I don’t nail this right away, they’re gonna recognize that I don’t have the skills to do this and then I’m done.” Well, hang on. As with anybody who learns, you’re probably gonna screw it up a couple of times and maybe not even majorly. So be gentle with yourself, stop beating yourself up. We do enough of that! Goes back to celebrating successes.
Moving forward
Be kind to yourself. That self-compassion is really important. And then recognizing the patterns of impostor syndrome, and how they typically show up when we are challenging ourselves, will help you move forward.
For example, you might recognize the pattern of, “Hey, wait a minute, this only really shows up when I’m trying to learn something new.” Or, “this only shows up when I’m really tired and feeling extra vulnerable.” Okay, well, if it only shows up during those times, is it even valid? Nurture yourself, take those times to recognize something in me is hurting and it’s being twisted in my brain to mean not being good enough or I’m gonna be found out which is a fear of rejection, right? Well, okay, but am I really that bad? Be kind to yourself!
Impostor Syndrome: How to kick it to the curb
In summary, here are some of the things I’ve talked about so far:
- You want to use cognitive disputations which are from positive psychology. Look up Martin Seligman’s work.
- You want to share your feelings with trusted others.
- You want to share and celebrate your successes.
- You also want to share and reframe struggles (struggles, not failures).
- You also want to be really gentle with yourself and recognize those patterns when impostor syndrome shows up, so that you can normalize it for yourself
- Be gentle with yourself.
So that was a lot of information! Thank you so much for sticking with me. I hope this was helpful and that you have a better understanding of impostor syndrome and how to kick it to the curb.
And for all of you out there that are maybe feeling like like you’re a fraud, I invite you to look at all the ways that you are absolutely wonderful. Because it’s in there and you wouldn’t have gotten to where you’ve gotten to already if there wasn’t something really special about you, okay?
In the meantime, I encourage you to reach out and ask us how we can help. You can reach out to us here by calling us at 780 446 0300 or emailing info@dochaspsychologicalservices.com.
Great Resource on impostor syndrome: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/06/cover-impostor-phenomenon
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
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Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
