Have you ever tried to talk to someone extremely extroverted about what it’s like being an introvert? You might’ve tried to explain how sometimes you just don’t have the energy to go out and do things. Or that what is energizing for you is staying home and reading a book or being in the quiet—which is completely confusing for them. If any of this sounds familiar, you’ve come to the right place! It’s Kim here on the Dóchas blog to guide you through how to talk to extroverts about being introverted.
You can watch my video about how to talk to extroverts about being introverted, or read on!
Introverts and Extroverts Explained
Remember that there is a continuum between extroversion and introversion. On the far end of the continuum is extroversion, where people are energized by being around other people all the time, and are the life of the party. On the other end is extreme introversion, where being around people can be draining, especially in large groups. So we’re all somewhere on that continuum. And as we get older, we tend to veer a little more toward introversion.
How to Communicate with an Extrovert?
So, how to communicate with someone who is an extrovert when you are more on the introverted end of things? How do introverts talk with someone more on the extroverted end of things in a way that extroverts can understand? As someone who is more introverted, I’ve found it helpful just to be honest and own it because everything else just sounds like an excuse. And I’ve also had to acknowledge that I need to accept that no matter what I say, my partner, my friend, or whoever may not understand it from my lens because it is such a different lens. So I try to be honest with the person about what my experience is—that if I’m going to an event, don’t expect me to be surrounded by large groups of people, and that I will prefer to go off and just talk to one or two people in a small group for a longer period of time about more in-depth topics. This helps me cope with group situations, and I can sometimes do the larger group things, but that’s going to be really draining for me, and it might take me a couple of days to start getting my energy back. So I try to be really, really honest. And I also try to be honest about my limits and needs for whatever event they’re asking me to go to.
Check In With Each Other
One thing that has helped me before is that I will set a time to check in with my partner about, “Okay, when can we think about leaving?” And that’s not because I don’t want to enjoy the event; it’s just because I know I need an out—I need to know that there is a preset check-in to help me relax about the event. And I just find being honest about those limits, and again, as I mentioned earlier, that I wouldn’t be comfortable in a larger group of people, that I’m going to kind of go off and be with one or two people and that I’m having a good time. I find being honest about that helps my partner’s anxiety about it decrease because they know they don’t have to take care of me.
Listen to Your Partner’s Needs
Another thing that I like to do, or try to do, is to listen to my partner’s or my friend’s needs, because in a relationship, there are two of us. And so even though I understand my experience, it doesn’t mean I understand theirs. So I need to be able to really tap into what they need from whatever it is, what they need of me: my time, my energy, whatever, to see if there’s some sort of way that both of our needs can be met. And yet, I still also have to listen to myself, understand my own limits, and be okay with that.
Be Okay with Your Feelings
Be okay with not being able to be what the other person wants you to be in that moment. And that can be really, really hard, because you can feel guilt. I’ve had to learn to accept myself, and I’ve found since being able to accept the introverted part of myself, I can communicate more directly and clearly about what it is that I’m feeling and what it is that I need. Direct communication is really important.
So there you have it. I know that I’m pulling from my own experiences, and it brings up different things, so if you have any questions at all, please feel free to reach out, and I will be happy to try to answer them. If people have suggestions about how they navigate talking with their extroverted friends or partners about what they need and how they re-energize, please let us know.
The other thing that I would like to mention is a book that helped me reach acceptance around my own introversion was the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain. She describes the need for us to know that extroverts and introverts are incredibly important in our world and that one is not better than the other. If you’d like to read more about introversion, check it out!
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
