How to let go of chaos
Welcome back to the Dochas blog! It’s Imane here.
For those of us who have been raised amidst a storm of chaos, learning how to let go of that chaos can be a really difficult endeavour. Some people strive to have contentment in their lives, but for some of us chaos has become our way of life.
I know this firsthand. I grew up in a first-generation immigrant family and battled to find my place between two conflicting cultures, worlds and environments. Suddenly I found myself living alone at 21 years old, in a world where only I could control the narrative of my life. At first I thought it would be easy, but I didn’t realize the void all that chaos had left in my life. Like anyone who is constantly surrounded by chaos (if you know, you know), I tried to fill that void with more of my own chaos.
Those who aren’t comfortable with chaotic energy have a hard time understanding why it’s difficult to let go of chaos. Take it from me, there are many reasons.
Chaos becomes part of your identity
For starters, chaos becomes part and parcel of our very identity. We become stuck in our own self-inflicted, self-victimizing mindsets. We view ourselves as victims of our own lives, and continued chaos reinforces this part of our identity. We also develop a need to become problem solvers. But the predicament here is that in order to be a problem solver, we need to find problems. In order to find problems, we subconsciously create them. For those of us who are attached to chaos, we often alternate between these two roles depending on the environment we’re in.
Identity can be a difficult thing to address because of how it’s ingrained into our subconscious mind. The first (and hardest) step to let go of chaos is to recognize when you step into your self-victimizing mode versus your problem-solving mode. This simple recognition can set you free from maladaptive behaviours and help you find ways to detach from the chaos around you.
Detachment can sometimes sound selfish, but it’s far from it when practiced compassionately. You can have compassion for someone without emotionally investing yourself in their chaos. Finding the right balance between compassion and over-investment can be a tricky scenario, though. Click here to read our blog on how to navigate compassion fatigue.
Use this skill to detach yourself from chaos
In Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, there is an emotional regulation skill that is helpful for regulating yourself when you feel emotionally triggered by a situation. This is the key to learning how to let go of chaos and be content with a more peaceful life. It’s called Check the Facts.
When you feel triggered by a situation (or someone else’s situation), self-reflect on these three things:
- Ask yourself what triggered your emotion
- Reflect on your interpretations and assumptions about the situation
- Ask yourself if the intensity of your emotion matches the facts of the situation, or if it matches your assumptions
The hardest part of interpersonal effectiveness is emotional regulation. Chaos continually entering our lives has more to do with our reactions to a problem than the problem itself. Once you’re able to regulate your reactions to chaos you can learn to practice interpersonal effectiveness through compassionate detachment.
Saying goodbye to chaos takes work
Remember, you grow what you practice. Letting go of chaos in your life isn’t an overnight process – it’s a lifelong journey. Be patient with yourself, forgive your mistakes, and celebrate your progress. You’ll get there one moment at a time.
Remember that you’re not alone in this. Chaotic people are misunderstood. We can help you work through this! Click here to learn more about how therapy can help you. As always, you can connect with us over the phone or by emailing info@dochaspsych.com.
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
