Dealing with difficult co-parenting situations
Hey everyone, it’s Pooja here. Co-parenting is a challenge for any couple, but especially for couples who aren’t on the same page about what their co-parenting situation should look like. The hard thing is, there’s no playbook for how to deal with difficult co-parenting situations. Every family is different. What works well for one couple might not work for another. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “How can I find the right co-parenting strategies for me?” Google sounds like a good place to start, right?
I hopped onto Google in the hopes I would find life changing strategies for people who have difficult co-parenting situations – easily accessible advice for couples who are struggling to navigate their situation. And I found some! There’s some great research out there. But the more I scrolled, I felt a slow feeling of sadness. All the strategies were textbook, and I reflected on all my experiences with helping other couples learn how to co-parent. Home visits with families, couples therapy sessions, and even conversations with my family and friends. I couldn’t help but think how hard it would be for my clients to actually implement these parenting strategies, especially if one or both parties are not in agreement with the idea.
I placed myself in the shoes of a parent who is frustrated with their co-parenting situation and feels pretty defeated, and I thought they deserve some guidance. These tips for navigating difficult co-parenting situations will guide you in the right direction and give you some answers on how to make your situation a little less frustrating.
Understanding co-parenting
Let’s start by defining co-parenting. It’s when two parents who live in separate homes share an agreement on how they would like to parent and raise their children. A co-parenting situation is likely to happen following a separation or divorce where the parents share custody of their child(ren).
Co-parenting isn’t always possible. In instances where domestic violence has occurred or addiction is an issue, co-parenting might not be the best situation for the children.
3 Tips for dealing with difficult co-parenting situations
1. Love your child more than you hate your ex
This might sound like an obvious piece of advice, but in reality it’s a tough piece of advice to accept. It’s easy to get caught in the power plays, mind games and one-ups. Think about how this tension can impact your kids. Create opportunities to make the best memories with them.
Tuning into their experiences with the world is key, and this can help you reaffirm what kind of parent you want to be. There’s nothing more rewarding than feeling like you’ve done right by your little ones. Love really does win!
2. Take care of your emotional needs
I don’t have to tell you that your kids’ needs have to be taken care of, but I do need to remind you that your emotional needs also have to be cared for.
There’s a good chance that you’ve been through the ringer and you might be caught in a cycle of continued emotional pain. I once heard that “your emotions need to take a back seat when it comes to the needs of your children.” Your child’s needs are the most important, yes. But the trouble with emotions is that they won’t stay in the backseat for long.
It’s important to address our emotions, and process them in a healthy way. When you suppress feelings of anger, loneliness, guilt, fear and loss, they come out in different ways and can have an impact on the people around you – most importantly, your children.
Talk to a friend who understands your situation. Do some self-reflection with a journal. Practice self care and spend time doing the hobbies you love. These are all great ways to model healthy practices around your kiddos!
3. There’s always a choice in how you proceed through suffering
Know that you’re doing the best you can. Raising children on your own, or with someone who isn’t willing to put the work in can feel impossible. It’s common to feel helpless, defeated and invalidated.
Moving through a tough time with a positive and resilient attitude can do wonders for you and your kids. Remember that you choose how you see things, and you choose how to live your life. A shift in perspective can invite a shift in life!
We’re in your corner
Although it really feels like it, you’re not on your own with this. If you’re struggling with your co-parenting situation, we can help you. Whatever your circumstance might be, sometimes it’s helpful to have the space to vent and take some time to yourself.
To connect with one of our team members, send us an email at info@dochaspsych.com or give us a call at 780-446-0300.
If you’re interested in more resources, check out these two articles on co-parenting strategies:
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/co-parenting-tips-for-divorced-parents.htm
https://www.verywellfamily.com/strategies-for-successful-co-parenting-4068449
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
