With the holidays quickly approaching you might be dreading the idea of having to interact with your family. You might be experiencing overwhelming emotions of sadness, anger, or frustration, and you may feel anxious about the idea of seeing your family. You are not alone. Many people experience anxiousness around the holidays when they know a family interaction will likely lead to a negative situation. Dealing with dysfunctional families is a common stressor during this time of year, and there are a number of resources available on the topic that you can find at the end of this blog. The idea of putting yourself in a negative family situation is scary and it can be difficult to know how to handle yourself when you feel you’ve reached your limit. This video will give you the 3 strategies we recommend our clients implement for dealing with difficult families during the holidays.
3 Strategies For Dealing With Difficult Families
1. Manage Expectations
If you are realistic about your family situation and you manage your expectations accordingly, you will avoid setting yourself up for failure. It’s normal to feel sad or frustrated that you expect negative outcomes from your family, but managing your expectations is the key to handling difficult family situations. Expectations bring opportunity for disappointment, and when you set an expectation that the other person cannot meet this will leave you with feelings of resentment and the other person will be hurt.
If you know your family situation has not changed or has been different in the past, it’s important to manage your expectations with this in mind. This doesn’t mean having a negative outlook or sour attitude, it means ensuring that you are okay with the context of the situation not changing how you’d hoped.
2. Set Boundaries
People often think that setting a boundary is telling someone what they can or cannot do, and this is not correct. A boundary is telling yourself what you are willing to tolerate depending on the choices the other person makes. For example, if you have managed your expectations about family members likely fighting during the holidays, here are some boundaries you might set by repeating them to yourself before the family interaction:
- “If they begin to fight, I will ask them to stop.”
- “If they continue to fight, I will leave the situation.”
Setting boundaries is about going in with a plan of what you are willing and not willing to do in a difficult family situation. To define your boundary limit, we suggest you pay attention to how your body responds to the situation at hand. Remember, a limit is about managing your response, not others’ actions. You have no control over your family’s actions, but you do have control over your boundaries.
3. Debrief With a Friend
After you’ve left your family or disassociated yourself from the situation, we suggest confiding in a trustworthy friend or group of friends. Opening up to a friend will help you move on from the negative situation. You can also seek advice from a therapist. We also suggest that you bring a supportive person to your family interactions so they can be a reminder or reinforcement of the boundaries you’ve set for yourself.
If you’re in need of a professional to open up to, connect with a Dochas Psychologist here.
Use Your Resources
The holiday season is stressful enough without the added concern of spending time with your difficult family members. These 3 strategies will help you prepare your mind and body for any negative outcomes and will give you tools to handle yourself in difficult situations. While your family may never change in the way you hope for, it’s important to remember that the only control you have is over your expectations and reactions.
For more resources on how to cope with dysfunctional families during the holidays, check out the following blogs:
5 Ways to Survive Your Next Family Gathering
Ten Ways to Keep Family Members From Ruining Your Holidays
5 Keys to Handling Judgemental and Opinionated Family
About Dochas Psychological Services
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
